


when your world crashes down upon you

by SinsAndTriggers



Category: Original Work
Genre: Other, Self Harm, Suicide, implied schizophrenia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-08-11 14:05:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7895512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinsAndTriggers/pseuds/SinsAndTriggers





	when your world crashes down upon you

Cold. That was really all you felt any more. You tried desperately to move on from him. You told yourself he was dead. That he killed himself. You knew he did, so why were you like this?

You barely ate, your performance plummeted in everything you do. Your grades slipped, you went from getting solid A's and B's to straight C's and D's. Mainly the latter. You couldn't bring yourself to care anymore; what really was the point?

You began cutting again. You actually smiled when you saw the disgusting red of your body drip it's way down your wrist, your thigh, it didn't matter _where_ to you. All you knew was you felt... something when you bled. Who knows, maybe that was what you were born to do; bleed and suffer.

Was there anything after death?

You were going to find out sooner or later. 

You had been planning this longer than you could remember. Even before him, before he made you _happy_. You knew you could never do the same, no matter how many times he's made you feel loved, important, and reassured you that you were perfect in his eyes and you make him happy just _existing_. You never fully believed it.

When he disappeared - _killed himself you dolt_ \- you were sent into shock. Then you went numb. Your world crashed down on you - _you couldn't save him_ \- and you gave up. What was the point? He was your only reason for living.

Truth be told you attempted many times over. You've tried overdosing so many times you've probably built up a resistance to any type of drug. You've tried cutting enough you'd bleed out, but you always backed out - _you're a failure_ \- and wrapped yourself up. 

You've debated drowning, but you knew you couldn't take the burning of your lungs long enough to die. You couldn't ever get your hands on a gun, so blowing your brains out was always out of the question. That really left you with one option.

You had fasted the past few weeks best you could with your parents breathing down your neck. You also got your hands on a few items to make renovations in your closet. Out of sight, out of their minds. You smile at the thought.

You practiced the knot constantly until you memorized it - _the only thing you've accomplished_. The new pole in your closet was strong enough to hold your weight. You looked at your phone again. No new notifications - _of course there wouldn't, who would want to talk to the likes of **you**?_ \- which meant it's time.

You tie the knot, looping it once, twice, three times... It's muscle memory to you. You made sure to keep yourself from thinking about anything, in case you decided to back out. You take a deep breath - _preparing yourself? Of fucking course_ \- before slipping your head into the loop. You pulled on it, tightening it - _tighten it more, choke yourself out_ \- around your neck. You knew what you had to do next.

You kicked your chair out from under you - _fucking finally, just die you useless piece of shit_ \- and had to bite your lip to keep from making a pained noise. You must have did it wrong, it didn't snap your neck - _suffer for your crimes_. You claw at your neck; it hurts and you can't breathe and you want _out_! You can't get out of your choke hold - _backing out? You're weak. They never deserved you; they can do **so much better**_! - and you give up - _good_. 

Your arms drop to your sides as you stop fighting for breath. You closed your eyes, your mouth moved without a sound. _"I'm sorry..."_

You black out, falling into an eternal sleep. 

You didn't see your phone light up and vibrate on the wooden surface of your desk. You didn't see his name on the screen, proceeded by a simple message that would've torn you to pieces.

 

**Hey babe, I'm sorry-...**


End file.
